Dear Plot Ponderer,

I truly appreciate your column, I have been a die-hard fan for all 10 seconds you’ve been online.  First off, allow me to be the first to thank you for posting your last column on the un-common link between beautifully polishing your nails and adverb overuse.  I never quite saw the connection, but now it is abundantly clear.  I think this golden tid-bit of information will make all the difference in my novel. 

But today I come to you amidst great distress. I am in need of not only your typical new writers advice, but for advice on how to handle harsh critique groups.  During our latest meeting at Barnes and Nobel, our fearless leader lost her sanity.   We will call her Ms. Female Dog for the purposes of this letter and to save her from the public humiliation in the instance you choose my letter for publication. 

Ms. Female and the rest of the group had the opportunity to read the beginning of my novel over the last few weeks.  I, with great anticipation, was hoping for not only the best reviews the group has ever given, but also an immediate positive response in the vein of, “SUBMIT THIS NOW!” 

I must say that this was not the response I received. Instead, my novel, Bearing Arms in Times of Sexual Frustration, was met with intense opposition.  The comments varied from throw it in the trash to my goldfish committed suicide by page 2 and I thought I was going to kill myself by page 5.  But this didn’t bother me so much as to the comments that the female dog handed down.  Not only did she say my writing would never be taken seriously, but she also mentioned that if I ever showed up to the group again, she was going to call security.  I took most of the session in stride and listened to what they had to say, but by the end I felt devastated.  I always give them positive feedback even if their work sucks.  Why would they do this to me?

I know I have a lot to learn.  But when writing a historical fiction tale with an element of the supernatural, I thought I had pretty much nailed the genre down to a T.  After all, I read Danielle Steele on a regular basis.  Do you have any recommendations as to how to go about telling them that I don’t appreciate what they did to me?  Or do you think I should just keep my mouth shut, my appearances on the DL and my bail money in my wallet?

Much obliged,

Mr. Bad-to-the-Bone Writer

 Dear Bad Writer,

Thanks for writing.  Sounds like you are in a predicament many new writers find themselves in.  First off, let me say that it sounds like your book could use some serious help.  You must learn what a genre is before trying to categorize your tale into one.  If you are going to write something that rings of the essence of Steele, then you must know that it isn’t going to be historical fiction, but rather drug-store romance. 

Second, when submitting to a writers critique group, I recommend that you sit in on the group for at least two sessions to see if there are going to be any blatant personality conflicts.  Is this group a serious literary type or do they like to sit around and pat themselves on the back about how good they are?  To me, it sounds as though you are looking more for the second type of group rather than the first. And judging by some of the harsh crits the group handed down, they are probably the first type of group. 

Third, you must look at this situation from an outsider’s point of view.  How much time and consideration did you really give this book?  How much effort have you spent editing and reworking the plot?  How many books do you actually sit down and read in a given month or year? 

Before you place your works out for public viewing you must ask yourself the above questions.  If you want others to take you seriously, then you must take your writing seriously.  One value I feel all writers must embrace is that of total honesty.  Think about your own words.  You give the others in your group praise even if their work sucks.  Right?  Think about this for a moment.  Do you honestly think that a positive critique is in order when really it is about as good as any illiterate kindergartner’s musings?  What are they going to learn from this kind of feedback?  What do you have to gain from giving this kind of feedback? 

If you think that some no-name female dog group leader is going to be the beginning to a career that rivals that of Rowling or King, then you’ve got another thing coming.  Give honest feedback, don’t be a pussy and let them see you for who you really are.  I would think that most writers want this more than anything else; something to go on, something to improve their craft and not a backscratcher.  After all, if you wanted a backscratcher, you should have kept the one you gave your mother-in-law last year for Christmas. 

But there is a flip side to this.  When someone presents with a particularly awful piece of work at a group session, there must be a boundary of spiteful comments –vs- constructive criticsm.  Giving overtly negative comments can be quite damaging.  Try to limit your comments to ones that will actually help the writer move forward, no matter how painful it might be, with their particular work-in-progress.  This doesn’t mean that you have to hand down praise but just mind your thoughts. If you can’t constructively criticize a piece, then give it a few days and go back to it.  If you still don’t have anything positive to say, then type out your suggestions for the first few pages and ask the author if he wouldn’t mind talking to you about the work at another time and place. 

And remember the rule we all learned in grammar school.  If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.  Maybe Ms. Female Dog should have called you the day before the meeting and asked you to politely get a new strain of the bird flu instead of joining the group on that night. 

I wish you the best of luck with your career and I would stay away from this group of writers for the rest of my days. 

Best,

~P.P.

Plot Ponderer is neither a woman or man, verb or adverb, married or single, homo- or bi-, commercial or literary, friend or foe. The only thing the plot ponderer does do is write. Pub credits span a couple of countries, a few friends, a world wide web and the dust that has fallen from trees in the United States as well as the coffee tables of all relatives who will stake claim in her, him or it. If you have questions you may direct them to
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it Questions that are submitted may be published as is, made fun of or possibly ripped to shreds until there is nothing that is recognizable about them at all. Please do not ever expect a reply, just read the column. And if you have feedback, then oh well. Send it anyway. It will most likely be read but not cared about.

Last update : 12-11-2007 15:31

Average user rating

   (0 vote)