Big Exciting Publishing News For All Poets Who Don’t Know Better!!!

A Deluxe Anthology Containing Your Poem Will Cost Only $103.90

(plus shipping and handling)!!!

My poem has been accepted by Poetry.com (aka The International Library of Poetry)!  I am, like golly, totally thrilled!  Like, can you believe my totally good luck? 

When I received what I foolishly first thought was a spam email from Poetry.com, inviting me to submit a poem for one of its anthologies, I decided to give it a shot.  What an honour, to be asked to submit!  Usually you have to contact the publisher first, but here it was, contacting me to submit to The International Library of Poetry.  I felt I might have a real chance to see my work on paper (paper I had not printed myself, anyway).

Some time went by--I’m certain the consideration process is extensive and detailed.  Yesterday I received not just an acceptance letter but a whole package from Poetry.com.  Poetry.com wanted to publish my poem!  In a coffee table edition!  Scheduled for the Winter, 2007!  My poem would be on its own page!  I was so excited I ran around putting exclamation marks on everything!

!!!

The package I received contained the following valuable printed information:

-- A cover letter, stating “Victor…Imagine Your Poem Featured on a Page by Itself in a Beautiful Coffee-table Edition!”  And there was no obligation, no entry or subsidy fee of any kind!  I did not even have to buy the book (they were not apparently making any available for free, however).  “Of course, many people do wish to acquire a book that features their poetic artistry.”  You might especially want to buy a copy from Poetry.com as it was not clear that the book would ever be sold in a bookstore.  Given the apparently limited distribution, I was invited to order my own personal copy of the book!  They will even let me keep the copyright to my own poem!  Generous people!  I was also invited to submit a biography--for which “a nominal typesetting fee” would be charged.  (As it turned out, a few pages later, it was nominal--only half the cost of the book itself!)

The cover letter noted that of the “thousands of poems we read each year, only a fraction can be published.”  I feel special!  While the cover letter did not indicate how much the book would cost or what the additional typesetting fee would be, I did not worry as I was certain Poetry.com would, somewhere in this package, provide that valuable information.  The cover letter was signed by Howard Ely, Managing Editor.  For me this was a much better deal than having three poems published in the paperback not-for-profit “The West Memphis Witch Hunt” benefit anthology on Lulu for The West Memphis Three, or the upcoming flash fiction pieces published in the NRA Anthology.  Who needs some silly benefit anthology when my work can be in a COFFEE TABLE EDITION?

Yes, it was not clear the book would be available anywhere in the world except at Poetry.com, but I figured such small details as the publisher trying to actually sell the book to anyone other than the authors.

-- A sheet of paper certifying my poem was mine.  There was an “artist’s proof” on the paper of the poem.  It was not easy to read, as the line structure was removed and it was presented as prose, and the spacing between lines made it hard to read.  But there was a really big section for my artist’s profile (extra typesetting fee applicable--but that charge was not listed in this paper either).

-- FAQs and Official Rules.  This was for the “International Open Amateur Poetry Contest”, with prizes guaranteed every month (first prize is $1000--second and third prizes are silver and bronze “medals”).  The flip side of the rules contained “Unsolicited comments from poets like yourself!” about how great the anthology they were in was, and how people like Helen K. were so happy with the book with her poem in it!

-- A full colour small flyer showing a copy of the book, also mentioning noting previously released highly sought-after volumes, including “Secrets of the Soul” and “Guided by Voices” (there was no information as to who heard the voices, and what they had ingested immediately prior to hearing voices--maybe the voices told them to invade Iraq or sign up OJ Simpson as an author).  The book had over 200 poems “on every topic”.  There was also a photo of The International Library of Poetry book with a special limited edition protective book sleeve with your very own name on it!  The flyer did not mention how much the special sleeve cost, but it was printed in embossed gold.

-- A separate, even smaller flyer, in black and white, was the order form for the Limited Edition Protective Slipcover, with your name on a “personalized nameplate” on the cover, for the remarkably low cost (for a book sleeve, those can be expensive!) of $25.95 (more than half the cost of the book itself) for a personalized slipcover, or a discounted $19.95 for a non-personalized (but still quite lovely) slipcover.  “You will not find this product offered on the enclosed order form because it applies to only a few poets.”  Talk about making me feel SO special!!  (By the way, there’s an extra $5 US for shipping and handling for the book sleeve alone.)

-- An order form.  Here was where the cost of this unique volume of poetry was listed.  The deluxe hardbound copy cost $49.95 for one copy, plus an extra $8 for shipping and handling.  Outside the US, it was $11 US for shipping and handling.  You could also buy your anthology by the “case”, with 12 books in a case costing $369.00 (hey, who doesn’t have friends you wanna give your anthology to, eh?).  The order sheet listed $25 for the charge for typesetting the additional material, say your biographical information.

Let’s see:

$49.95 for one copy

$11      book shipping and handling

$25      extra typesetting

25.95   deluxe slip cover

$5        slip cover shipping and handling

That comes up to ONLY $116.90 for ONE book (plus the deluxe book sleeve, of course).  But, you only get what you pay for!!

What a deal!!!!

Victor Schwartzman