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By Pat King, on 26-03-2007 18:47

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Published in : OW! Site Content, Lit Circus


Victor Schwartzman is a founding member of OW!  He runs the quite excellent book review site.  Check out his bio under "our members".  He's done a lot.

My Workplace Scares Me

 

Work is a dark basement

a dark Alfred Hitchcock basement

where we live in fear of a murderous mother.

Don’t get mother angry.

 

Spending most of your life in a basement

spending most of your life in fear

is not living.  It is living until you die.

It is treading water, waiting for the shark’s teeth.

 

Workers are tools

Re-sharpened as needed

discarded when too dull.

One day I will take the sharpness and stab.

 

 

Victor Schwartzman

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Or, if that's too clunky or blunt, maybe:

 

 

Making A Statement

 

            Once upon a time a billionaire learned he was soon to die from cancer. He became determined to make a statement with his death, and for society to recognize he was useful (beyond generating wealth for himself). Without a care for the economic consequences--he had not become a billionaire by being sensitive to the needs of others--he began to liquidate his holdings, turning his hotels and factories and farms and stocks into gold bars. The sudden massive sales caused markets to plummet, leading to a severe Depression.

            Meanwhile he constructed a huge crypt made from gold and stored the gold bars inside. Gazing upon the completed glittering crypt, he was filled with both disease and confidence. He would soon die but his statement about wealth would live forever, and his use to society would be recognized.

            While the billionaire gloried in his crypt, a citizen walked by who had lost his life's savings in the Depression. Recognizing the billionaire, he became enraged. The billionaire backed away from him, slipped on the sidewalk, fell, cracked his skull, and died.

            The Foundation looking after his crypt implemented his wish to make a statement

with his death by having him cremated and, on every anniversary of his death, sprinkling his ashes on the sidewalk where he had slipped, until he ran out. It was many years before anyone slipped on that spot again. 

            Society had finally recognized a use for him.

 

Victor Schwartzman

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or, maybe it that's too obvious:

 

How Many Ways Do You and I Masturbate?

 

How many ways do you and I masturbate?

So many, I run out of fingers counting them:

brainstorming irrelevant ideas at a meeting

talking about giving the poor money

sending emails to friends when your short story is published

looking into the mirror as you try comb-overs

reading Joyce when someone else is looking

taking dates to movies with subtitles

rooting for the team that is winning

telling parents about that possible promotion

owning an SUV

wearing the latest fashions

attending the best parties

going to the gym to sculpt your body

 

See? I’m starting to run out of toes now.

writing a poem

 

 

 

 



Last update : 26-03-2007 18:47

   
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By: Leopold McGinnis (Registered) on 26-03-2007 21:01

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By: Leopold McGinnis (Registered IP 142.59.195.166) on 26-03-2007 21:01

Nice. I like the last one the best.

 

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By: Fran (Guest) on 27-03-2007 07:35

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By: Fran (Guest IP 76.6.4.100) on 27-03-2007 07:35

"Society had finally recognized a use for him." 
 
--lol! This is a really good sardonic story. I like your poems too, especially the last one.  
 
And I can see your screenwriting background here because you include distinct beginnings, middles and endings, even in your poems. I'm always encouraging other writers to do more of that--with their short stories especially.

 

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