Matt Damon Found Rummaging Through Poet’s Pussy

Matt Damon, star of such noteworthy films as “The Talented Mr.Ripley,”

“Good Will Hunting,” and “Rounders”

was recently found rummaging through a pussy belonging to

nonfamous broke ass poet Misti Rainwater-Lites

“I don’t know what he was doing in there,” Ms. Rainwater-Lites

told reporters.

“He seemed desperate, like he was looking for money or things 

to pawn so that he could procure some crystal meth.”

Calls to Matt Damon’s “people” have remained unanswered.

George Clooney Found Rummaging Through Poet’s Asshole

George Clooney, dapper Hollywood sex symbol and star of such stellar

flicks as “One Fine Day,” “Solaris” and “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”

was recently found rummaging through an asshole belonging to

obscure poverty level poet Misti Rainwater-Lites.

“It hurt,” Ms. Rainwater-Lites told reporters.

“He didn’t use any lube and I had never had anal sex before, just inserted

the occasional enema and suppository for severe constipation. He kept 

saying, ‘You’re holding out on me, bitch. I know you’ve got Laura 

Bush’s phone number and real MySpace address in there somewhere.’

Needless to say, I do not have Laura’s phone number or real MySpace 

address and if I did I would not hoard them inside my asshole.”

Ms. Rainwater-Lites intends to press full charges against the successful actor.

George Clooney’s “people” could not be reached for comment.

Recovering Phone Sex Addict Taped Conversations With Celine Dion

I found Celine Dion at MySpace. She was impressed with my profile

and my pictures so she sent me her phone number. I was on unemployment

at the time and of course Celine had her gig at Caesar’s Palace but she 

would talk to me for hours before she had to get ready to go onstage

and blow away the drunken mindless with “My Heart Will Go On” and

“If You Asked Me To.”

Celine found the fact that I loathed her and her music and all that she

stood for quite refreshing. She obviously had masochistic tendencies.

Toward the end of each three to six hour long conversation Celine would

whisper, “Please…tell me again how much you despise me.”

I would say, “You are a bony boring bitch. Sure you have amazing range

but the songs you sing are no more inspiring to me than the generic white

toilet paper I use to wipe the shit from my ass. You have no relevance

or soul. If I want to feel tears spill from my eyes and tingles tease my

spine I’ll listen to Billie Holiday, thank you very much.”

Celine would then scream, “I’m coming! I’m coming! Thank you.”

Then she would hang up the phone.

I know she was using me but I was using her, too. I taped our conversations

knowing I could sell them to the tabloids for a pretty sum.

I’m scum, see. I am morally opposed to making an honest American dollar.

I’m a good old-fashioned American whore. I want to make as much money

as I can with as little effort as I can get away with.

Thanks to Celine Dion’s perversion I now own a yacht, a lot of bling bling

and a house in the Hamptons. Yesterday I bought a Maltese. I named her

after her bony white benefactor.

Justin Timberlake Hesitantly Licks Poet’s Pussy Then Asks, “Mind if We Do Something Else?”

Justin Timberlake wasn’t diggin’ my flavor. 
See, I don’t douche.
I’m not at all neurotic where my cunt is concerned.
I could tell JT wasn’t used to that.
He usually dates those high-maintenance bitches
who bathe in rice milk and white rose petals.
I’m sure they all douche with melted white chocolate.

 We had fun at first, making out to Justin’s latest cd.
It seemed to turn him on 
sucking my tits and my tongue
while his voice boomed from the speakers.
I was horny so I forgave him his grotesque egomania
and tried to block out his soulless overproduced songs
as I moaned and writhed, a good alley cat in heat.

 Then it was time to get down to business.
I spread my legs and grabbed JT’s ears as he
hesitantly licked my sloppy pussy.
He made a few stabs at it with his pretty pink tongue
then looked up at me and asked, “Mind if we do
something else?”
“I’m in no mood to suck your cock,” was my blunt reply.
Venus was in Aries that day.
That’s what I blame it on when reporters remind me
that I didn’t even last one night 
in Justin’s arms.
It’s none of their goddamn business that I don’t douche
or suck cock after being insulted.

An American Cypher Circa 2008

I won’t take a number
stand in line
reap the benefits
of your new world order

 I don’t count, America
but if numbers are the
only thing 
you understand
you can count me
as zero
a snake eating its tail
rather than
your lies

Other Side of the Door

without the number of the beast
no cherries
no soup
no medical care
no transportation

 the world is watching
waiting on a charismatic antichrist
to usher the way
into the glorious
new world order
play along
take a number
wait in the serpentine line
that winds around
the government regulated cinema
and religious right approved family fun center

 prohibition was a cake walk
compared to this nightmare

 on the other side
of the door
there are screams
is this 2010 america
or 1793 france
heads are rolling
blood is filling
the efficient streets

 take a number
take the stale bread crumb
on your tongue
and the screams
won’t be
yours 

 you don’t want to know
the horrors that lie
on the other side
of the door
resist
throw a fit
go into a global warming
rights of the individual
all religion is bullshit panic
and you will
find out

 don’t take it
so goddamn personally
you are one
of a billion











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Last update : 21-03-2007 19:35

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