When you mess with the bull you get the beard.
1. What is wrong with people?
That’s a question for their psychiatrist.
2. What is right with people?
Not everything, judging by their need for psychiatric treatment.
3. Would you have it any other way?
No. No, I would not.
4. McDonald’s or Burger King?
Burger King. The Whopper is the best, though I dislike the word “whopper.”
5. Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
I only pick up hitchhikers near federal penitentiaries, so yes.
6. What’s the darkest thought you’ve ever had?
“I will kill all of you!”
7. Celebrity you’d most like to sleep with?
I prefer to sleep alone, but if I had to sleep with a celebrity, it’d be Maura Tierney circa 1997 (see “Liar Liar”).
8. Celebrity you’d most like to knock out?
I’d love to knock out Betty White, Jonah Hill, all current and former members of Metallica, Fred Durst…. Do you want me to keep going?
9. What would be your last supper?
Pizza and Diet Coke Plus–just the essentials.
10. In a word, describe your 2010 (up to this very moment).
Okay.
Jason Jordan is the author of Cloud and Other Stories and Powering the Devil’s Circus: Redux. He is also the
Editor-in-Chief of decomP magazine. Jason is kind. Visit him HERE.
Maura Tierney is an inspired choice–I’d probably call it a toss-up between Unfaithful-era Diane Lane or Trancers-era Helen Hunt. Or any-era Winona.
lane and winona yes. hunt no never. no no no.